What’s a tad bit worrying is that, without looking closely, you have no control of the process. It’s automatic. The brain cannot afford to be finicky. It’s trying to protect you. Back in the old days (think cavemen) the brain worked to keep you alive so you wouldn’t become lunch for the sabre-toothed tiger that was lurking around. These days, there are many other things for the brain to protect you from; embarassment, sadness, unhappiness, worthlessness, loneliness…the list goes on and on, and depends on the sort of person you have “become”. These things are treated with the same disdain as death used to be (even more, in some cases. I can’t tell you how many times I wanted to die when I was in secondary school…usually in situations involving members of the opposite sex. I digress. Sorry…”bad” memories being stirred up). Usually, things that threaten your happiness, and I use that term loosely, are to be avoided. One would think therefore that the brain would disregard anything that would create such negative feelings. Alas, importance often trumps negativity. All this stuff is “extremely” important. Only being able to stutter and break out into full blush when a bunch of giggly girls call your name at school is important (never happened to me…really!). The brain reacts accordingly, perhaps with feelings of worthlessness or sadness, as the situation “demands”. Whatever lack of confidence you might feel in such a situation is only reinforced…that little “box” of sad things in your mind gets another entry.

Soon, these boxes start to determine your state of mind. Your control is limited. Your brain has it filed away that if your parents think you suck at something, then the greatest possibility is that you do suck. Nevermind how old you were or the objective situation at the time. This box of suckiness has all the appropriate reactions linked with it. When something happens that triggers it, the brain produces the related response…inadequacy (I am such a wuss), anger (why does she have to be such a ** anyway?!) etc. Heck, if it rains or is cloudy, that’s usually an item for the “Sad Things” box. It’s the darn box!

Your brain might be running you. Yes, you! It’s like the computer VICKI in Will Smith’s IRobot (decent movie, in my opinion…aside from Will Smith’s dodgy hat). It will do what it thinks is best to protect you, regardless of the damage it does. It will run your life, completely on auto-pilot. You wake up in the morning, go about your everyday activities, all according to the reactions your brain sets out for you. Almost every situation you encounter already has a pre-defined box and reaction in your memory. The ability to look at things anew is mostly lost.

The answer: Pay attention. Watch how you respond to events in life. You can be there to catch the conditioned action your brain throws out at you. You don’t have to accept it. You can try something different. You can examine the boxes. You can empty those that are detrimental to you, then start again. You can gradually take control of the ship again.

I mean, is it really the end of the world if some people made fun of me at school? Does that make me worthless? Do I need to hunt them down and make them pay for destroying my self-esteem? Arrgh!! No. I don’t. I’ll simply re-examine that box and change my reaction. I’ll try to choose my own perspective. I’ll decide my response. I’ll fail at first, but then I’ll keep going until I get it right.

In the meantime though, it might be better if those people stay out of my way…just in case. I’m trying here.

Till next time.

How does it determine the best action? The results can seem complex; but the way most of the reactions are determined is quite simple. It starts from when you are a baby. We are all built differently. Some of us are more inclined towards adventure while others are more subtle in their approach to life. A hormone thing, I guess; or maybe genes. Either way, even in babies, some of these traits are already discernable. Babies are extremely selfish, as you might have noticed. They want what they want, and they want it now. They have a very effective mechanism for “reacting” once they don’t get it: Cry…cry…cry. It generally works, and parents fall in line. The child knows no better. The parents must provide for it and make it as comfortable as they can.

These “wants”, in very early stages, are usually related to the basics…feeding and comfort…which is fine. As they grow older, babies try to impose their wants on everyone else. Parents are then faced with the daunting task of educating the child. They must show the child the difference between “Right” and “Wrong” (all relative, of course). They must show the child his/her limits. A line must be drawn. “No Junior, you can’t swallow stones” or “it’s wrong to sit on your baby brother”. Thus, the child starts to learn about life.

Your brain is already fully at work all this time; it’s Grand Purpose…Self Preservation. It needs to keep you alive. To do that, it must make sure that you are equipped to handle the world around you. It takes in everything and tries to breakdown all it stores into categories and groups. Good, Bad, Likes, Dislikes. Basically, it creates boxes and labels them; then organizes events, circumstances, objects into these boxes. It also has reactive behaviours stored in connection with these boxes.

As these boxes and their contents increase, we have more and more defined reactions to life. Long after the incidents that cause the addition of objects to boxes, the references remain. Result? our attitudes towards certain things are formed. We don’t truly remember why, whether the reason is valid or not. We just accept that “I like that sort of person” or “This makes me uneasy”. Or course there are loads of situations that we react to, based on intuition etc. The point is that there are also loads that we have no input whatsoever into how the brain has chosen its reaction, at least not anymore.

A fix…re-examine our attitudes to the things in our lives; especially those that cause us discomfort.

I’ll explore this some more next time…