What’s a tad bit worrying is that, without looking closely, you have no control of the process. It’s automatic. The brain cannot afford to be finicky. It’s trying to protect you. Back in the old days (think cavemen) the brain worked to keep you alive so you wouldn’t become lunch for the sabre-toothed tiger that was lurking around. These days, there are many other things for the brain to protect you from; embarassment, sadness, unhappiness, worthlessness, loneliness…the list goes on and on, and depends on the sort of person you have “become”. These things are treated with the same disdain as death used to be (even more, in some cases. I can’t tell you how many times I wanted to die when I was in secondary school…usually in situations involving members of the opposite sex. I digress. Sorry…”bad” memories being stirred up). Usually, things that threaten your happiness, and I use that term loosely, are to be avoided. One would think therefore that the brain would disregard anything that would create such negative feelings. Alas, importance often trumps negativity. All this stuff is “extremely” important. Only being able to stutter and break out into full blush when a bunch of giggly girls call your name at school is important (never happened to me…really!). The brain reacts accordingly, perhaps with feelings of worthlessness or sadness, as the situation “demands”. Whatever lack of confidence you might feel in such a situation is only reinforced…that little “box” of sad things in your mind gets another entry.

Soon, these boxes start to determine your state of mind. Your control is limited. Your brain has it filed away that if your parents think you suck at something, then the greatest possibility is that you do suck. Nevermind how old you were or the objective situation at the time. This box of suckiness has all the appropriate reactions linked with it. When something happens that triggers it, the brain produces the related response…inadequacy (I am such a wuss), anger (why does she have to be such a ** anyway?!) etc. Heck, if it rains or is cloudy, that’s usually an item for the “Sad Things” box. It’s the darn box!

Your brain might be running you. Yes, you! It’s like the computer VICKI in Will Smith’s IRobot (decent movie, in my opinion…aside from Will Smith’s dodgy hat). It will do what it thinks is best to protect you, regardless of the damage it does. It will run your life, completely on auto-pilot. You wake up in the morning, go about your everyday activities, all according to the reactions your brain sets out for you. Almost every situation you encounter already has a pre-defined box and reaction in your memory. The ability to look at things anew is mostly lost.

The answer: Pay attention. Watch how you respond to events in life. You can be there to catch the conditioned action your brain throws out at you. You don’t have to accept it. You can try something different. You can examine the boxes. You can empty those that are detrimental to you, then start again. You can gradually take control of the ship again.

I mean, is it really the end of the world if some people made fun of me at school? Does that make me worthless? Do I need to hunt them down and make them pay for destroying my self-esteem? Arrgh!! No. I don’t. I’ll simply re-examine that box and change my reaction. I’ll try to choose my own perspective. I’ll decide my response. I’ll fail at first, but then I’ll keep going until I get it right.

In the meantime though, it might be better if those people stay out of my way…just in case. I’m trying here.

Till next time.

It struck me that, to a large extent, success is determined by what we focus on. This is not an unusual concept. We hear this all the time from Self-Help gurus and motivational folks. We all know it’s true in that abstract, distant way we know things. The point is, it’s not a radical thought. However, on this night (early morning really; it’s about a quarter to one as I write this…Lord, I hope this isn’t the onset of insomnia), I have been thinking about a project I am working on. I say “working on”, but what I really mean is that I have been “thinking about starting work” on it. I just realized that the reason I am not doing much is that the statistics say only a small percentage – think 5-10% – will succeed at such a task.

Well, that’s something, isn’t it? Such a small chance of success is daunting. When you factor in the sacrifices you might have to make to begin such a venture, you would be forgiven for wanting to wait and plan and wait some more…just to make sure everything is right before you plunge. You would be forgiven, in the face of such odds.

Hmmm…but are those really bad odds? Look around you. In every walk of life, in every field, there are those that do better than others. There are those who achieve reasonable results, and then there are those that excel. Check the other statistics…the ones that say that 20% of the world own 80% of the wealth (I am hacking the 80/20 rule by Pareto for my own benefit) and so on. If you have a job, can browse the internet and own a phone, then chances are that you are closer to the top 20% in those numbers. Basically, you are probably better off than you think, in the grand scheme of things.

It is life as we know it. Things are skewed that way. We need to see it for what it is. There’s no need to be afraid of action…measured, calculated action, of course. We do the research, we find out what it is that distinguishes those at the top end of our path from the rest, and we work towards that. That’s what I need to focus on…not the scary numbers. The achievement will always require me to get into the higher percentages, no matter what. Everyone else that got there (well, most of them anyway) navigated their way up the numbers as well.

So, I’ll go back to bed and get some rest now. Tomorrow, I’ll go past “thinking” about starting and actually “begin” the process of starting. No, really. I will. You’ll see. Okay, I might just go over my plans…just one more time, you know…?