At age 5, Junior gets scolded by a stranger in a black hat (we’ll leave out the part where he nearly breaks the guy’s windscreen with his football – and I mean soccer). Perhaps the man has had a bad day, or maybe he’s just an angry, grumpy, fun-hating killjoy (which is well within his rights, you know). In any case, his reaction is overblown. That reference is stored. So JR instinctively dislikes his P.E. teacher at age 13, since the teacher looks similar to the other guy…and also wears a hat. JR doesn’t make the connection; he just knows that something about the guy bugs him. Added to this mix is the fact that this teacher also happens to be a bit of a disciplinarian. That just reinforces it. Soon, he finds that he “distrusts” men of that description who wear hats – uncommon, I know…work with me – because they are just…you know…dodgy. He carries this into adulthood, and it impacts the relationships he develops, and his attitude to his boss, perhaps negatively. All of this would be traceable back to that one incident when he was a child. This sort of thing happens…to all of us.

What’s a tad bit worrying is that, without looking closely, you have no control of the process. It’s automatic. The brain cannot afford to be finicky. It’s trying to protect you. Back in the old days (think cavemen) the brain worked to keep you alive so you wouldn’t become lunch for the sabre-toothed tiger that was lurking around. These days, there are many other things for the brain to protect you from; embarassment, sadness, unhappiness, worthlessness, loneliness…the list goes on and on, and depends on the sort of person you have “become”. These things are treated with the same disdain as death used to be (even more, in some cases. I can’t tell you how many times I wanted to die when I was in secondary school…usually in situations involving members of the opposite sex. I digress. Sorry…”bad” memories being stirred up). Usually, things that threaten your happiness, and I use that term loosely, are to be avoided. One would think therefore that the brain would disregard anything that would create such negative feelings. Alas, importance often trumps negativity. All this stuff is “extremely” important. Only being able to stutter and break out into full blush when a bunch of giggly girls call your name at school is important (never happened to me…really!). The brain reacts accordingly, perhaps with feelings of worthlessness or sadness, as the situation “demands”. Whatever lack of confidence you might feel in such a situation is only reinforced…that little “box” of sad things in your mind gets another entry.

Soon, these boxes start to determine your state of mind. Your control is limited. Your brain has it filed away that if your parents think you suck at something, then the greatest possibility is that you do suck. Nevermind how old you were or the objective situation at the time. This box of suckiness has all the appropriate reactions linked with it. When something happens that triggers it, the brain produces the related response…inadequacy (I am such a wuss), anger (why does she have to be such a ** anyway?!) etc. Heck, if it rains or is cloudy, that’s usually an item for the “Sad Things” box. It’s the darn box!

Your brain might be running you. Yes, you! It’s like the computer VICKI in Will Smith’s IRobot (decent movie, in my opinion…aside from Will Smith’s dodgy hat). It will do what it thinks is best to protect you, regardless of the damage it does. It will run your life, completely on auto-pilot. You wake up in the morning, go about your everyday activities, all according to the reactions your brain sets out for you. Almost every situation you encounter already has a pre-defined box and reaction in your memory. The ability to look at things anew is mostly lost.

The answer: Pay attention. Watch how you respond to events in life. You can be there to catch the conditioned action your brain throws out at you. You don’t have to accept it. You can try something different. You can examine the boxes. You can empty those that are detrimental to you, then start again. You can gradually take control of the ship again.

I mean, is it really the end of the world if some people made fun of me at school? Does that make me worthless? Do I need to hunt them down and make them pay for destroying my self-esteem? Arrgh!! No. I don’t. I’ll simply re-examine that box and change my reaction. I’ll try to choose my own perspective. I’ll decide my response. I’ll fail at first, but then I’ll keep going until I get it right.

In the meantime though, it might be better if those people stay out of my way…just in case. I’m trying here.

Till next time.


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