At age 5, Junior gets scolded by a stranger in a black hat (we’ll leave out the part where he nearly breaks the guy’s windscreen with his football – and I mean soccer). Perhaps the man has had a bad day, or maybe he’s just an angry, grumpy, fun-hating killjoy (which is well within his rights, you know). In any case, his reaction is overblown. That reference is stored. So JR instinctively dislikes his P.E. teacher at age 13, since the teacher looks similar to the other guy…and also wears a hat. JR doesn’t make the connection; he just knows that something about the guy bugs him. Added to this mix is the fact that this teacher also happens to be a bit of a disciplinarian. That just reinforces it. Soon, he finds that he “distrusts” men of that description who wear hats – uncommon, I know…work with me – because they are just…you know…dodgy. He carries this into adulthood, and it impacts the relationships he develops, and his attitude to his boss, perhaps negatively. All of this would be traceable back to that one incident when he was a child. This sort of thing happens…to all of us.

What’s a tad bit worrying is that, without looking closely, you have no control of the process. It’s automatic. The brain cannot afford to be finicky. It’s trying to protect you. Back in the old days (think cavemen) the brain worked to keep you alive so you wouldn’t become lunch for the sabre-toothed tiger that was lurking around. These days, there are many other things for the brain to protect you from; embarassment, sadness, unhappiness, worthlessness, loneliness…the list goes on and on, and depends on the sort of person you have “become”. These things are treated with the same disdain as death used to be (even more, in some cases. I can’t tell you how many times I wanted to die when I was in secondary school…usually in situations involving members of the opposite sex. I digress. Sorry…”bad” memories being stirred up). Usually, things that threaten your happiness, and I use that term loosely, are to be avoided. One would think therefore that the brain would disregard anything that would create such negative feelings. Alas, importance often trumps negativity. All this stuff is “extremely” important. Only being able to stutter and break out into full blush when a bunch of giggly girls call your name at school is important (never happened to me…really!). The brain reacts accordingly, perhaps with feelings of worthlessness or sadness, as the situation “demands”. Whatever lack of confidence you might feel in such a situation is only reinforced…that little “box” of sad things in your mind gets another entry.

Soon, these boxes start to determine your state of mind. Your control is limited. Your brain has it filed away that if your parents think you suck at something, then the greatest possibility is that you do suck. Nevermind how old you were or the objective situation at the time. This box of suckiness has all the appropriate reactions linked with it. When something happens that triggers it, the brain produces the related response…inadequacy (I am such a wuss), anger (why does she have to be such a ** anyway?!) etc. Heck, if it rains or is cloudy, that’s usually an item for the “Sad Things” box. It’s the darn box!

Your brain might be running you. Yes, you! It’s like the computer VICKI in Will Smith’s IRobot (decent movie, in my opinion…aside from Will Smith’s dodgy hat). It will do what it thinks is best to protect you, regardless of the damage it does. It will run your life, completely on auto-pilot. You wake up in the morning, go about your everyday activities, all according to the reactions your brain sets out for you. Almost every situation you encounter already has a pre-defined box and reaction in your memory. The ability to look at things anew is mostly lost.

The answer: Pay attention. Watch how you respond to events in life. You can be there to catch the conditioned action your brain throws out at you. You don’t have to accept it. You can try something different. You can examine the boxes. You can empty those that are detrimental to you, then start again. You can gradually take control of the ship again.

I mean, is it really the end of the world if some people made fun of me at school? Does that make me worthless? Do I need to hunt them down and make them pay for destroying my self-esteem? Arrgh!! No. I don’t. I’ll simply re-examine that box and change my reaction. I’ll try to choose my own perspective. I’ll decide my response. I’ll fail at first, but then I’ll keep going until I get it right.

In the meantime though, it might be better if those people stay out of my way…just in case. I’m trying here.

Till next time.

Your Brain is a fantastic piece of craftsmanship. God was on top form when it was conceived. It’s the most complex computer that exists. Its ability to process and store information couldn’t be contested by the most advanced computers (today, or in the forseable future). It’s so advanced, it seems, that it needs no real help from “You” to run your life. It issues reactions to events in your environment by reaching into its vast memory, going through all kinds of calculations, then producing the best action.

How does it determine the best action? The results can seem complex; but the way most of the reactions are determined is quite simple. It starts from when you are a baby. We are all built differently. Some of us are more inclined towards adventure while others are more subtle in their approach to life. A hormone thing, I guess; or maybe genes. Either way, even in babies, some of these traits are already discernable. Babies are extremely selfish, as you might have noticed. They want what they want, and they want it now. They have a very effective mechanism for “reacting” once they don’t get it: Cry…cry…cry. It generally works, and parents fall in line. The child knows no better. The parents must provide for it and make it as comfortable as they can.

These “wants”, in very early stages, are usually related to the basics…feeding and comfort…which is fine. As they grow older, babies try to impose their wants on everyone else. Parents are then faced with the daunting task of educating the child. They must show the child the difference between “Right” and “Wrong” (all relative, of course). They must show the child his/her limits. A line must be drawn. “No Junior, you can’t swallow stones” or “it’s wrong to sit on your baby brother”. Thus, the child starts to learn about life.

Your brain is already fully at work all this time; it’s Grand Purpose…Self Preservation. It needs to keep you alive. To do that, it must make sure that you are equipped to handle the world around you. It takes in everything and tries to breakdown all it stores into categories and groups. Good, Bad, Likes, Dislikes. Basically, it creates boxes and labels them; then organizes events, circumstances, objects into these boxes. It also has reactive behaviours stored in connection with these boxes.

As these boxes and their contents increase, we have more and more defined reactions to life. Long after the incidents that cause the addition of objects to boxes, the references remain. Result? our attitudes towards certain things are formed. We don’t truly remember why, whether the reason is valid or not. We just accept that “I like that sort of person” or “This makes me uneasy”. Or course there are loads of situations that we react to, based on intuition etc. The point is that there are also loads that we have no input whatsoever into how the brain has chosen its reaction, at least not anymore.

A fix…re-examine our attitudes to the things in our lives; especially those that cause us discomfort.

I’ll explore this some more next time…

Teeth are important. It’s true. If you’re American, then you already know this (whisper: Americans are obsessed with their teeth. It’s just weird). If you’re not American, then perhaps you should read this. If you’re British, then you are probably well on your way to dying a violent death caused by oral problems, so it probably won’t do you any good.

I’m obviously joking on that last point. However, I am dead serious about the point of this post. You really don’t want to mess around with your teeth. Love them. Smother them with lots of xylitol, flouride and floss. If you do, they will provide long years of service. You’ll have a cracking smile (useful for attracting the opposite sex – I’m just saying), you’ll be able to chew through the any dodgy meals made by an overzealous partner (No finger-pointing), and best of all, you’ll save a huge stack of cash. Ignore them and they will make you pay, eventually.

Yes. Eventually you will have to face judgment for your actions, of lackthereof. I have learnt this the hard way; the painful, drill-in-my-mouth, wallet-emptying, hard way. You see, I hadn’t been to the dentist in like 4-5 years until this week. The last time I was in there was to change a filling that had worn out. I got a seal of approval from the the dentist back then. Somehow I managed to translate that to mean I wouldn’t have to return back until the filling was due for replacement again. I am not really sure how I came to that conclusion, but there you have it. Over the years I thought about it, but couldn’t bring myself to actually do it. As problems go, I had the odd toothache every now and again (usually after eating a substantial amount of meat…I’m weak); no serious issues, or so I thought.

So I finally made an appointment with a dentist to get my filling replaced again. I knew I would have to have some work done; some cleaning. Nothing major. So, it was a bit of a shock when I was shown the list of things that HAD TO BE DONE. I should have been suspicious when the lady who did the x-rays and examination coughed the first time she saw the pictures. It was over 90 Degrees that day. No way it was a cold. She was probably covering up a gasp. I got a bit of a scolding as well. Apparently, I should have been seeing a dentist way more often than I have been doing. They all say we should go at least twice a year. Boo. Nobody does that, right? Now I have to do several more sessions this year.

My bill was extremely steep, even with the Dental Plan I was on. I won’t quote the amount, but it wasn’t a few hundred dollars. My teeth are trying to bleed me dry. Apparently, a few more months and it would have been much worse. Phrases like “Bone-Damage” and “Periodontal Disease” were thrown in there. Even the routine filling almost became a “Root Canal” treatment of some sort. Consequently, I now have to approach my dental hygiene with military-like discipline. I have had to get one of those special tooth brushes with really thin, fine bristles to ensure they can get under the gumline (Not the Oral-B 20 Dollar ones…think more). There’s a special Oral health kit I have had to get. I would have thought it was a ploy to squeeze more dough out of me if I hadn’t done the research myself. The amount of work to fight this stuff is quite a bit more than I think most people are willing to do (if you’re not American. What…it’s true!). Brushing for more like 5 minutes instead of 2; going to the dentist substantially more than twice a year, unless your teeth are exceptional etc. The whole thing is scary.

Here’s the thing: I knew I was going to have to become more serious about my health as I grew older. I kept thinking “As soon as I hit thirty, I’ll sort myself out”. I would do all the tests, I would get serious about eating habits, I would be more aware in general. But life doesn’t always wait for you. It is better to bite the bullet now rather than facing up to the rocket launcher further down the line. That’s the principle we should all be trying to live our lives by. It’s always going to be a bit of an inconvenience. There you have it.

In keeping with that, I will be attempting to address the other important areas. I am already working on eating and exercising more. Maybe a full Physical might be in order. I’ll also have to get round to that…GULP…prostate exam at some point. Not just yet though. No…later. Later…

Managing weight is a big deal (no pun intended) for a lot of people, including yours truly. I’ll admit though, it has only become as a big concern in the last year or so, as I am fast approaching the big 3-0. Confronting it as I have done (well…”I am doing” would be more appropriate) has been an elightening experience. Elightenment is often the epitome of simplicity…so much so that those who achieve it look back at the roundabout, maze-like path they have taken to get there, and laugh at themselves and the long way they took (at least that’s what people say). Well, that’s the way it has turned out for me with the weight thingy.

Views on weight tend to evolve as one goes through various stages in life. People go from not really worrying about it, to worrying just a little, to worrying a lot, to outright panic, to ignoring it (cycle through the these in an infinite loop). All of these are affected by the place you are in life mentally, emotionally, financially etc.

I think the evolution of my own attitude is fairly typical. I was quite skinny when I was growing up in Nigeria. In my mid-to-late teens, gaining weight – or more precisely, muscle – was a major concern. I wanted it. You could say I was in the “worry just a little” phase. Here, losing (or gaining) weight might positively affect some part of your life, but it’s not a huge deal. In my case, the desired effect was straight-forward. I didn’t think I was particularly pretty, so I had to work on the other departments. Hot girls dig manly guys. So, me + muscles = mucho hot women. Simple. Putting on the weight to turn into muscle was hard though. I ate a lot, but I couldn’t seem to gain much. Those were innocent times. I eventually gained the weight (even a little bit of muscle…bonus!) before I turned twenty. Then I hit the peak. Once that happens, it’s all downhill from there. As you can imagine, putting on the pounds is no trouble these days.

Fulltime employment is the real killer though. Working as a consultant, like I do, can wreak havoc on your diet and all-round health if you’re not careful. In this line or work, I began to eat and drink out more often, and spent even more time at a desk on a computer. Every now and then I would look in the mirror and notice the bulge slowly forming. At times like these, I would spend a week or so trying to do some sit-ups when I awoke in the morning. That was the scope of my efforts to control my diet. It actually worked as well. So, it could be a mild inconvenience after a period of sustained eating, but wasn’t so bad in general.

All of that went to hell once I hit the States. My first 4 months in the US were spent in Kansas City. Meat and Beer rule in Kansas City. My “Consultant’s Belly” became a permanent fixture. I was now firmly in the “Worrying a lot” stage. I went to the gym at the hotel once to look around, then never went back. It was just too much trouble. Plus it was next to the hotel bar, a much more welcoming place. Instead, I began skip meals. So, I would skip breakfast, have a decent lunch, then only have starters for dinner (never mind the fact that the starters would often be a bunch of chicken wings). The next day I would have breakfast and dinner and miss lunch. Needless to say, this tactic wasn’t sustainable. and I fell back into my standard habits. I later conquered my phobia of hotel gyms (peer pressure can be good sometimes), but it didn’t do much good back then.

I have never made it to the “Panic” stage. That might be when the weight is now starting to cause serious issues in your life, health or otherwise. I really don’t want to get there. However, I didn’t make much progress either in my attempts to lose weight as the problem increased; not until I began to take measurements. Yes, my friends. Discovering the magic of Counting Calories is like…well…magic.

You see, if you have to walk 50,000 steps on a particular bearing to get to your destination, it is perfectly fine to just hit the road and head in the general direction of your target. However, if it is really important to make it there at a certain time, then you take some tools, like a compass and a pedometer. With the compass, you can check the direction; with the pedometer, you can check how many steps you have walked so far. This also means you can check your progress each day, and work out exactly how many steps you take each day on average. If that average isn’t enough to get you there in the time you have left, then you can work on increasing the number of steps. Many people take a compass on their weight-loss challenge, but most leave the pedometers at home.

This is the way success works. You have to be able to measure progress towards your goal, unless it’s something abstract that can’t necessarily be quantified…like love. I digress. You have to be able to calculate the results of your actions. The more precise, the better. That’s what test-runs are for; that’s what schools do with quizzes; that’s what organizations do with annual reviews (as painful as they can be). All are attempts to allow one to see where one is, see where one needs to be and, hopefully, identify what needs to be done to get there. If you are having trouble with weight, then you could benefit from counting.

I get it. Measurements are boring; especially when it comes to something like food. I mean do you really want to have to calculate the amount of calories in icing on that juicy chunk of cake? Well, yeah. I was mortified to find that I was consuming 250-300 calories per day in the sugar I was putting in my coffee alone. I suppose I knew I was taking too much, but having figures removes any illusions. It’s about honesty. When I go out to Steakhouse and get the 16 Ounce Ribeye, it is helpful to know that is might cost me way over 1000 calories that day.

So, back to the theme of simplicity. From what I have learned so far, an average man needs 2000-2500 calories a day to function correctly (more personalized numbers are available online). This is also influenced by the amount of activity you engage in each day. Do some running and you can add hundreds of calories to your daily allowance. If you consume more than you burn on average, you add on some weight, and vice versa. That’s it.

What to do? Be aware of what you eat. Take an honest look at your diet over the last month. In five minutes, you can find out what the general calorie content is for most of the meals and snacks you eat (the wonders of Google, eh?). I think most people who have trouble with weight will find that they are easily over their limits. When you “cut down” on what you eat without measuring, you might find that you have simply dropped within the range you should have been in anyway. To actually LOSE weight you will have to cut down more.

So start small. You don’t have to give up everything. Remember, this has to be sustainable. Go down to one egg instead of two; try getting a smaller steak; cut down the amount of sugar. For each step you take, note how much you are cutting from your diet. Down from 5 sugars to 1…that’s about 150 calories each day. Chicken Salad for lunch (watch the sauce!) instead of a burger…that’s another 200 calories cut. Stay at each stage until you are confident enough to add more to it. It took me 3 months to go from a full breakfast (eggs, bacon, sausages…the works) to two slices of toast with butter and a boiled egg. I did it in stages, cutting bits out until I didn’t feel bad about it anymore.

Gradually, you can build up good eating habits that will help your health, as well as cut down the pounds.

Here’s to your good health…